Failed in Many Way

I never express feelings toward any politics or many fails in the American judicial system, but as I sat in bed last night unable to sleep from a late night cappuccino I found myself scrolling through Twitter where I read something that strikes me hard fromthe Ted feed. It provoked feelings and memories from a 19 years ago; one of the most tragic incidents of my life. 

I am a rape victim.  I say this not to get pitty or look at me sadly. I never talk about it, not because I feel shame, but because it makes you uncomfortable.  When most people just look at you stunned searching for words to say, they can only find themself saying “I’m sorry,” rather than “Are you okay?” Which I understand.  Saying sorry is an easy out of having to discuss any part of the situation. While asking if someone if they are okay from this is like opening Pandora’s Box. You have no clue where that could lead. 

Living through such a horrible crime is bad enough.  You want to shut down and push everyone that ever meant anything to you away. Trust is lost in humanity, fear strikes you around every corner. Fear striked me again last night as I read this article, sitting alone in my house, knowing that the ones who I trusted the most that would protect me were 10,000 miles away. The fear will never be lost. 

It’s hard enough to go through something like this, but when I had family turn their back on me because of it was even harder.  But falling victim of the American System that doesn’t really protect sexually abused victims was the icing on the cake which left me  feeling completely lost and deviststed.  

The two men who raped me were never brought to court.  I went to the hospital.  I filed a report.  I, the victim, did everything I was supposed to do when something like this happens.  The hospital failed to call the police. The hospital failed to pass my rape kit to the police once I went to the station and filed.  The hospital lost the kit and once it was found it had been opened. I had become another victim to the failed system.  Makes you wonder which crime is worse. 

Scarred enough from this crime, I had to pick up the pieces of my life and move on with no justice ever being served.  I was left believing that I was one of the few who the system failed.  Until last night I still believed that, then I read this article.  While I no longer live in the US, one of the more advanced and progressed countries in this world, I am deeply saddened to read that the system continues to fail at protecting victims of sexual assaults almost 20 years later after it happened to me. 

So for those who live in the US, or anywhere at that matter, I encourage you to think about how much you would want your daughters protected if this were to happen to her.  By standing up and helping get Sexually Assulted Victim Rights Bill passed to protect victims saves the harder-hardships they have to suffer through now and for the future. It’s easy to not think of the issues that are not in your own back yard, but please have compassion and support bills like this.  

 Please, please read: Red Tape of Rape

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5 comments

  1. Dear Kimberly

    To be honest this came as a shock.

    I not only did not know but could not have even imagined that you have gone through so much in life !

    The respect and admiration I had for your fitness lifestyle has been suddenly multiplied many hundred times !!

    You are an inspiration.

    Keep shining your inner light and keep smiling.

  2. I hate that this happened. When you told us, which was a few weeks after, we offered to go to police with you, offered to hire attorney and a private detective. You would have none of this help offered. We did not turn our backs on you.
    I still hate what happened, more than you know! But please don’t include dad and I in any part of not wanting to help you, emotionally, Financially. We would have done anything to ease your pain.

    1. 1. Maybe you forgot the exact words my father said to me “you pretty much brought it upon yourself when you have guy friends” words I will never forget. Forgive, yes, but forget…never. So if blaming your own daughter for something like that happening, I clearly don’t know what turning your back means.

      2. You or dad clearly didn’t do the one thing I asked to ease my pain because as soon as those words came out of his mouth I said, “I will not speak to you until you apologize for what you just said to me.” It took 3 years for him to say “I’m sorry” after both of you claimed you had no clue why I was so upset and being stubborn.
      So our ideas of turning a back on someone over an incident like that is sadly different.

      I never mentioned any names of family or details, I never included you in anything in writing this. But if you feel you need to defend Your or my father’s actions and call both of you out on this, please enjoy yourself.
      We 3 NEVER sat and had a conversation of about help. I didn’t even get into the house before dad blamed me for getting myself raped.
      When I told you – you offered to go tot the police. I had already gone. You offered a PI – I already had their names.

      Bottom line this was not about you. But please go ahead and make it that if it makes you feel better.

      1. If hurting my heart was your intent, you succeeded. You are right that we remember this quite differently.

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