No One

Life takes us through many phases, ones which bring people in and out of our lives. Throughout our existence we develop relationships with certain ones whom which we create a bond. Regardless of how you want to define it they are Someone to you. Something exciting happens in your day and you want to call them to share the news. If a grievous event happens and without hesitation they are by your side. That Someone is important to you and at times you feel as if you couldn’t live without. This doesn’t mean there has to be only one Someone, there could be one whom which you share the same interests, one who works in the same industry as you, but regardless, these special people in your life are the ones you think of first, you go to, you share the laughter and the tears with and are cherished.

I am No One. I am not the one you think of in these moments of joy and pain. I am not the one who you think to share your funny story of the day. I am No One. As I write this, I am sure you will immediately jump to defense that this is not true, how can it be because I am loved. I know I am loved, never did I say I wasn’t. But the truth of the matter is, I am nobody’s somebody. That is the truth. How did this become? It is a harrowing feeling to live with.

Once I was Someone, but now I am not…an afterthought as you move down the list. I do not seek pity from reality, I am just expressing what is. Sad really, because I have great ears if you need someone to just listen. I can give an opinion without judgement if that is what you need. I laugh…I love to laugh. I love…it’s one of the greatest gifts one can give. I have lived out many adventures throughout the world have many stories to share. I am a dreamer, an expressionist, a communicator and an explorer, but I am not Someone.

I sit surrounded by these grey walls as No One as the beauty I once saw in this wondrous life is growing bleak. Certainly living like this I will not become Someone anytime soon. The quandary it is how to break this cycle. I cry, but I am told not to. I express my feelings of loneliness, but I am told to just be happy. I am not understood, but I suppose I never really have been throughout my life. A lonely way to live.

A thought came to me the other day; Would people notice if I disappeared? The honest answer would be, that it would take several days, perhaps a week or two before anyone realized. Before you jump to think I am crazy, step back and look at your life. When would someone notice if you stepped off the grid? For anyone who knows me, think of what I am to you, because I am certainly not your Someone. That is okay, it’s not a guilt trip or anything said to make you feel bad. I just speak the truth.

I am loved. I have family who cares. I have friends I enjoy sharing my time and doing things with. I have fun. I care passionately for my family and call as much as I can, fore there are many of them and only one of me so covering them all every day is impossible. But I pick up the phone once a day to call someone in my family, because they are my Someone. I pick up the phone once a day to call a friend because they are Someone too. But me…I am No One and that’s the simple truth.